The Night King Announces 2020 Presidential Run

by Nick Beard January 28, 2018 Move over, Oprah and Trump. We have a new contender in town. The impossibly cool and collected Night King has (silently of course) announced his intentions to run for president in 2020, hot off the heels of the final season of Game of Thrones, in which he will also …

Apple Reveals World’s First Pair of Smart Underwear

by Brianne Grianne O'Bannahan Esq. January 24, 2018 We've seen smart phones, glasses, speakers and televisions before. Those are as common as sand on a beach, but smart underwear? Leave it to Apple, folks, to introduce the world's first revolutionary pair of smart unmentionables -- and they are hitting shelves sooner than you think. Apple …

Matt Lauer and Harvey Weinstein Partner to Open New Locked Room Game With a Twist

by Chauncey Bigbottoms III January 20, 2018 Surprise! Matt Lauer and Harvey Weinstein, with all of their newfound free time, have announced the opening of "Lock and Key," a new locked room haunted house game with a twist. The dynamic duo's creepy house will be an abandoned 4-bedroom 3-bath located somewhere in the middle of …

‘Urban Diet’ is the New Weight Loss Craze Sweeping the Nation

By Brianne Grianne O'Bannahan Esq. January 17, 2018 For anyone looking to shed pounds fast and prepare that sizzling beach bod for Spring Break in record time without expensive pills and messy surgery, there's a new fad diet sweeping the nation, affectionately called "The Urban Diet" by the program's creator, Chad Wellington Junior, a successful …

LaVar Ball Insists His Unborn Daughter Was Snubbed at the Golden Globes, Blames Oprah

by Brianne Grianne O'Bannahan Esq. January 10, 2018 LaVar Ball is in an uproar in the wake of 2018's Golden Globes awards, insisting that his unborn daughter, Lozenge Ball, should have won the award for Best Actress instead of Saoirse Ronan. LaVar declined to comment but a source close to Ball claims that the disgruntled …

Trump Drops Savage Diss Track ‘Finger on the Button’. Your Move, Kim Jong-Un.

by Chauncey Bigbottoms III January 9, 2018 President Trump continues his bid for world domination by releasing "Finger on the Button", the first single on his surprise debut album Drain the Swamp. Trump, who dubs himself T-Rump in the liner notes of the new record, says he recorded the album over the last two years …

Gary Busey Accuses Gary Busey of Sexual Misconduct

by Brianne Grianne O’Bannahan Esq. January 6, 2018 In the midst of the powerful, pervasive #metoo campaign, Gary Busey has come forward and accused, well, Gary Busey of sexual misconduct on a cold winter night back in 2016, well within the statute of limitations. The legendary, vaunted actor means to do something about it by …

Kim Kardashian Breaks The Internet Again with Historic 999th Nude Photo!

by Chauncey Bigbottoms III January 7, 2018 Kim Kardashian does it again, folks! Is there no end to her talent? After a stressful week of reminiscing about her staged robbery and her sister’s baby bump, Kim decided to do what she does best and get back in the public eye the only way she knows …

New Details Emerge Around The Next Next Avengers Film

by Nick Beard January 8, 2018 Avengers: Infinity War is still four months away but details have already started to emerge around the next Avengers film, courtesy of the lead key grip of all the previous comic book films, who wished to remain anonymous. "It's going to be amazing, man," our source said, while surreptitiously …